Thoughts of a Violinist Giraffe

Typhoon Sendong is akin to a mosquito biting a man asleep, who wakes irritated and finds himself in a deplorable state. Realizing this, he resolves to take himself out of this state and, simply, change for the better. Before you demand an explanation or react harshly to the analogy, let me further discuss how any of this is relevant: Typhoon Sendong hit Northern Mindanao in the Southern Philippines sometime Friday evening, December 16. Constant rain and wind affected the area, which didn't seem like much for those who live in this part of the world but eventually the constant rain resulted in flooding, with the river overflowing and sinking entire neighborhoods. Many were caught unaware and off-guard, resulting in injuries, deaths, and more than a little stress. Electricity was lost in the majority of areas that utilized it. Usable water, both for drinking and other common purposes, are in shortage. As of now, over a thousand are dead or missing, with hundreds more with no homes...

Wong Fu's new music video of Magnetic North & Taiyo Na's "Home:Word" ft. Sam Kang was like a breath of fresh air. Thanks to Wong Fu, I have a new band to listen to and genuinely like. Let's hope they stay strong and keep going at it, making genuine music. The song touches upon what is considered home, how life seems to drag you down every so often and that the only way you recover is through pieces of home, through what you consider is home. Wong Fu Productions does a brilliant job at showcasing this and the varied situations that one may find him or herself when trying to find home. I found myself smiling and teary-eyed, remembering home - the moments with my family, the places we've gone, the cold winter nights and the warm smiles. It's been five years and the longest I've been with the entire family (all five of us, and our close cousins in the States) was three months. It feels as though three months isn't enough. Have I taken them for g...

Rihanna's "We Found Love", featuring Calvin Harris, is as addictive as the music video is striking. The feel of the song is nostalgic, bittersweet. One can imagine a small smile as the song plays, and a person crying with that same small smile painting the facial features. It seems like someone is trying to reach out, and grab for something that increasingly becomes impossible to try and take. Her music video captures this perfectly and the scenes portrayed work perfectly with the song to give it a feeling of nostalgia and bittersweet love. Most would regard the song as damaging and morally degrading but that's exactly the point: the song is portraying how, even though it seems unreachable, love is found. Yet this sort of love does not last and ultimately damages the lives of those involved. Others may look at it in a more positive light but it is evident through the music video and consistent listening to the music itself that one can only find that love that was ...

... the world will be conquered one day at a time. There's really not much to say right now, as I have nothing in mind at the moment. I suppose I just felt  like writing something down. Something simple. And I suppose it'll just be this: Everything we've ever done fades away, in some sort of way into the next day, into the sun. There's nothing more for anyone. Nothing more. Cheers.

And once again, I'm doing my routine stroll through Memory Lane. So far, it's a warm feeling. I'm aiming at particular memories, ones that I want to hold on for the rest of my life. What those memories are, I'd rather not say on such a public spectrum but let's just say that the music I'm about to link you all to will more than make up for what I don't say with my very own words. My feelings may be lying to me about what I want to do with these particular memories in the future, but somehow it doesn't matter. It seems right. What I do next may put me well into a path I know I can't turn back from. But I'm ok with that. Like I said, it seems right. Only the Heavenly Father knows what is best and what lies ahead of me. I can trust though, that whatever may happen from what I decide to do, He will be there. I've been indecisive all my life, and I don't want to be that way for much longer. Somehow, all this will be alright in the end. Wh...

A few words, with dashes of wit and rhyme - a penny for a thought; a mind for a dime. On paper and on few lines. This poetry is mine. ~~~~ Can the words I pen down help calm my heart? I don't know and I'm not sure. I guess I'll write and wait 'til it starts to calm me down. ~~~~ You, me; them, us. The world revolves thus. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Very few things to say, but I say them the best I can. Enjoy these few words. Cheers!

... 'cause I can never get enough. It still does. When I stop and think about it, my life seems to be lacking in this department. Now, I'm quite aware of the various forms of love - I do not lack in love from my family and some friends, but that specific love where a man leaves his parents to be one with a woman, is the one I seem to be lacking. Regardless, it isn't crippling enough that I cannot function without someone. I can function quite well on my own. In fact, I have no problem living in solitude. Yet, I feel rather unprepared were I to eventually marry and live with another for the rest of my life, with no parents to settle disputes and no siblings to take sides. How can I prepare? How do I tackle such a predicament when it eventually comes around? There's really not much I can do about it. All I can do is pray, live my life, and hope that when it comes around, it solves itself. It's nearing the end of the semester and I'm sure everyone (including...

Panels, pages of them, filled and illustrated with amusing images and a plot to arrest the mind with romance. How whole books bother to contain these things is mind-boggling. Imagination struggles to break free and release itself to the unsuspecting public. But for the public, buying these things and indulging in them is enough. Panels of imagination flourish in this rough, steely cold world. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Easy to recognize subject matter if you ask me. Cheers!

There are memories engraved in these pins that I bothered to buy when I was still with you all, enjoying my time and taking my fill of the comradeship we shared. There is no doubt, no question - when it concerns my loyalty to you all. How dear you are to me, with memories as sweet as apples green from the tree. Remember when we used to monopolize the tables at the cafeteria, not giving a damn to any that passed by? Those were the days - it seems, I'm afraid, that it will never be that way again. I missed you, Block E. Will it ever be the same again? Is it just me that thinks this way? ~~~~~~~~~~ To my dear old friends in Manila. Hope to see you all soon! Cheers

Our decisions are set in stone, firm and seemingly formed for our benefit and disaster. I'd like to think though, that it's more like malleable plaster, still wet and somewhat shapeless. Like a nameless design to show and guide us to a light to shower ourselves in. Let us be quick to mend our decisions, if need be, and slow to make them. I think, by then, we'll be better off in the end. ~~~~~~~~ Cheers

I wonder if you hate me now, since I've given you problems      because of my absence.            Can you tell me how "being friends" will cure this? Others make you smile and laugh,    make your eyes shine like stars, tell you you're fine the way you are, smile at your teases and play around with you as they please. It's not necessary for me to be around anymore.                         What do you need me for? I'm replaceable. Don't hate me for the truth.        It's simple. This is me and you, as it is - as we knew            it would be. Please don't hate me. ~~~~~~~~~ Cheers!

Everything runs in painful circles. A woman full and fertile with child, moans in agony. A man struggles for his family, to bring happiness and health back to the home. This is how life stacks up and collapses in simplicity. We go around in eternity. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Feels good to write a small and simple poem. Well, simple in form I guess... Cheers!

I'm not running away, I'm waiting for you to let go of me, finally. Asking me to be a friend, you just want me around with the added benefit of no romance or pressure to your heart. Can't you see what you're doing                               to me? Don't you know you're only making me suffer? Watch my raw emotions                                     flowing down this drain -                    Do you like to watch me in pain? Don't ask if we can just be friends                                because in the end, you're only putting salt in the wound again. Let me go. I need to run away, ok? I'll run away today. ~~~~~~~~~ It replays over and over like a broken record. I wo...

I'll recover sooner than I've ever done before. It seems as though my life has grown and changed for the better. I'm stronger, more self-assured and more aware of myself. There's more than one door opening before me. All I can see is opportunity. Experience has taught much - would I have grown so well had I had no such luck in acquiring these moments in my life? I guess not. My lot in life would not be as beautiful had I never felt this, gone through pain, and picked up the pieces scattered by romantic, heartbroken circumstance. Despite the pain, I know I'll stand strong. I'll move on before long. ~~~~~~~~~~ And I bounce right back. Cheers!

                               I am once again broken. What have you taken from me?                     Can't you see that I let myself open,                   only to be shunned and abhorred? Why did I ever let this fragile heart go exposed? Am I too slow for your eagerness, or too eager for your presence and affection?                  Am I too sloth-like to mention that my feelings are real? What can I do to appeal to you and make you see what you have done to me                    so effectively?             Was my hesitation the cause?           Did I allow too long a pause from your initial impressions to                ...

So much noise arises like a fire flying upwards in a roar and a rumble from this grotesque spectacle. It's nothing more than scandal screaming in my face - a debacle I can't erase so easily; like a penned phrase when all others were in pencil. It appears to try to shock and surprise with every moan and groan from the depths of its putrid soul. Please, no more. I've had enough of all this horror, which entice all others to descend lower into profanity. Dear God, no more. ~~~~~~ Cheers!

Du hast es.   Ich hasse mich. Warum machen wir es so schwer?          Ich kann nicht Liebe mehr geben. Was ist mit uns? Wirklich, wir sind Idioten. Natürlich, wir haben nur ein Paar Chance. Ich denke, brauche ich dieser Fragen. ~~~~~~~~~~ A small look at my childish command of the German language. Zu schade. In any case, cheers!

Plain, simple, somewhat justified            is the lie I'm soon to let fly      from my lips. Like a kiss of death so fearlessly addressed             to this tense and airless     atmosphere that surrounds us so effortlessly and completely. I speak though, with effort, as I face what we know as reality     - of what we know as fallacy.    I sense something like sanity           breaking in bits and pieces            as I speak haltingly and with hesitation. This could be the end of it all. So let it fall by the wayside,                        this lie I let fly                     from my lips. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Cheers.

How do you explain that feeling where you consciously realize that you're letting yourself open up bit by bit only to find that the cold harsh reality forces you to close it up again? How do I reconcile myself to the fact that the moment I open up, I only scar and break what's already been broken so many times before? What do I do to remedy all this? Why do I allow myself to be sucked into my own diluted mess? What is it about me and emotional disaster? Why do I ruin lives? I can't seem to understand at all, or why I bother. Were I to open myself again in the future, what will keep it from being broken, torn, and beaten again? What if this is all I have for me? It appears circumstances hold me in a vice-grip that I just can't escape from; a set of circumstances I've unwillingly allowed myself to get into. I know things all eventually end, so why do I insist on going for something that may never be? And yet, when I insist and try, it brings me only pain to see th...

...my year has been far more active than I initially supposed. The new involvements are a welcome change, as it keeps me busy and out of my dark little corners. My recent stint with the XCCA event, playing the theme song "Kultura Ating Daan" was a wonderful experience. I was glad to utilize my talent. I have to use it somehow , else I would lose all ability to play violin anyway. Even more  events are coming up that I may potentially have the chance to perform in a variety of ways. I won't put my hopes up though. The recognition of XU-ICE gives me great satisfaction and pride, since it took quite some time to finally get it all underway. As my final two years dwindle away, I hope my efforts in this org help it grow and stay strong in the University. I don't want to leave only to find it has collapsed. Goodness, I sound like the org president, when in fact, I'm just the man behind the scenes! Joining XUMMAA, and, in extension, attending the Grecia Fight Club has ...

I feel troubled and uncertain, yet blissful and unburdened when I chance upon your presence in person or in mind. Why do you plague me so? What is it that makes me question my thoughts more and more during each waking point of my life? Let me rest my soul, so I can find time to think and pray, and wonder, maybe, what to do in light of the circumstances. My thoughts are blurring places in place of you. What else can I do? Let me think this through. ~~~~~~~~~~ Not much to say. Same old, same old. Cheers!

In a little less than a few hours ago, I found myself performing for the University-wide General Assembly. A mash-up of Airplanes by B.o.B. ft. Hayley, and of Edge of Glory by Lady Gaga(?), I found myself playing my violin, rapping and  singing. It was a rather strange experience for me, since I never assumed that I'll be able to perform for such a large audience. Despite it's strangeness, I enjoyed the feeling of having accomplished something. It's been awhile since I've performed for people, and not in the context of a church. I'm still feeling rather jittery, which seems natural I guess. I'm contemplating performing again this year, but for now, I'll enjoy what I've just gone through. School's given me enough on my plate as it is... I'm glad to have experienced this - if I get another chance to do so, that's fine too, but I don't plan on getting famous. Life is about the experiences, in my opinion. Here's a little ditty for thos...

Considering the large amount of time I have on my hands, I feel it is only right that I start up on my long, enduring love of music once again. To do so, I took the effort to install FL Studio - a very trusty program for making music. It can do all sorts of things other than letting you put your vocals into the song - which is something I could never seem to do no matter how many times I tried. But in any case, I use it as a perfect venue to let out my musical endeavors and thoughts; it's the only thing I have with me that allows me to let it out anyway. I have no access to a guitar (no money) to do it "organically". Hopefully, I'll be able to make a demo of my work - past and present - by the end of the semester, or at the very least, the end of the school year. I've always wanted a physical copy of all the work I've ever done in the years I've actively gotten into making music and lyrics. It gives personal satisfaction to me as a musician. I also int...

To know that I have time less of, is knowledge I'd rather forgo. I can live with the blinding fact of ignorance to what others know. I don't want to grow old. To forget would be criminal - losing time that once was mine. I suppose I do not know what I want, were it not for moments so seemingly endless yet, so final... so sublime. I rather think I'll be fine, since eventually I'll come to accept what time I have left in this world. It seems to me that all I see grows cold. To think of life as timeless - for me, this thought - I hope I will never lose hold. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Evident inspiration from a recent viewing of "Never Let Me Go". Cheers

Strangely enough, the beginning of the school year is always exciting. People are bustling to and fro; the only thing on your mind is the curiosity of what class you will take and who might be in said classes. Not only that, it's always fun to see familiar faces, even if I'm not too close to many of them. Funny how, when the school year is well underway, we all wish it were over. I'd like to think differently. I'd like to try seeing every day as a new and refreshing day, with new sights to see and new experiences to have. Who knows what tomorrow brings right? Besides, it's the only way I survived last year. I'm pretty sure thinking a little more in that direction won't hurt this year. In other news, I distinctly remember a girl I met at Filipino for Foreigners class, 1st sem of 2010-2011. Sadly, I do not remember her name nor did I ever get a chance to get her number. It'd be a shame to pass up a chance to make a "social link" with her if...

Move it like a soul lost in the whole world, forgetting what it's like to live as a whole person. Maybe I've a soul but I really wouldn't know if I never looked into a sole reason for my existence in this missive known for centuries as the Word in the world. I'm confused but I'll abuse these phrases and lines every day, every time - after all, my life is mine. ~~~~~~~~~~ I'm in my own little Happy Hour minus the alcohol. Cheers!

Can you hear me here? I feel like I've been speaking too long and too often now. Can you hear me here? I wonder if you bother listening to my heart anymore. I want you to hear me here 'cause all I've wanted was you next to me; along for the ride. I want you near me here 'cause I just can't seem to speak without you anymore. Not anymore. Can you see the sea? I think I see the clouds about to shower a rain I need deep down. Can you see the sea? I feel the sight means more to me than it can ever be for you now. I want you to hear me here 'cause all I've wanted was you next to me; along for the ride. I want you near me here 'cause I just can't seem to speak without you anymore. Not anymore. Can you hear me here? I feel like I've been speaking too long and too often now. Can you see the sea? I think I see the clouds about to shower a rain I need deep down. ...deep down. ~~~~~~~~~~~ Courtesy of listening to Counting Crows. Ch...

I don't want to speak too soon with my thoughts, feelings, apprehensions in my life. I doubt letting them out the moment I think them would benefit me in a long-term sort of way. I don't want to look back on a day where my words and actions turned out not as sincere and as honest as I assumed them to be at the time. I don't want you to assume I'm a lie, that these words and actions of mine mean little or nothing at all. I want to be real and relevant in my life, with everyone. I want to think first and talk later. Maybe you should follow suit. It just may make things better. ~~~~~~~~~~~ Sort of a companion to a previous piece I wrote. Cheers!

This is not over.               I'm sure I've thought otherwise, before, at some point in time. Now I feel this can't be true. I can't go on living, wondering what may have been had                   I taken a chance with you.               I know this is nothing new but,           I don't want to be over you. Not yet, not now and - hopefully -        not ever. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I can't say anything about this... I'm speechless over my own words. Cheers...

White noise fills my mind like a glass that a drunken man insists on filling again and again - just when I get clarity, I'm bogged down by the intensity of the circumstances that surround me every minute - every second - every moment of my unstable life. All I hear is white. ~~~~~~~~ Not too confusing I hope. Cheers!

I'm in love with a girl - I haven't met her yet. I don't even know her name. I don't know what she's like. I know nothing about her. But I'm in love just the same. I guess you call this hope, or something close to it - why else would I feel like this? I feel restless, as though I just might see her anytime now. But then again, I haven't yet. That's ok though, right? To be in love with someone I haven't met yet? Love's filling me 'til it overflows - how long 'til it shows? How long 'til I get to know who she is, where, and when? I can't wait to see who it is I'm in love with. I can't wait for her to be with me. ~~~~~~~ Hope does a lot to you I guess. Cheers!

You're speaking but nothing's heard                                   on my end of the line. I try harder and I hear                            "I think it'll work out fine if we just pretend things haven't gone                                      wrong this time." But you can't change what's now defined by our actions. There's nothing more to be done       We've gone past reconciliation this time. You make your decision - I already made mine. ~~~~~~~~~ I guess there's more to this topic than I thought. Eh, you can't have everything. By the way... have you filed your  income tax lately? Cheers!

It is only now  that I find myself relaxed and in my comfort zone. Only now . And I think that's a good thing, since I finally dealt with all the other things that needed doing before. It feels good, it really does. I don't think I'd have it any other way. Really. I'm not sure I can go too much into detail with what I've gone through inside and outside of myself, but I can simply say that I've gone through enough to prove my maturity. Of course I'm not bragging, why would you insinuate that? In any case, I'm finally feeling good and that's all that matters at the moment. Thank God. ~~~~ Who said it has to take months, years, decades to realize I've grown out of immaturity and disgrace? It only takes a moment, a second, a thought in the right place to prove to all I can still stand tall in maturity. ~~~ Cheers!

I want to find the best day of my life, like a knife that finds the vein that ends the game. I'm not insane any more than you are to find my way around my life - always in sight; I want to take flight. I want to fight for that best day of my life. Make it my right and blessing as I keep living and learning to take the reigns on the ever-changing show of lights and shadows, joy and sorrow - today and tomorrow are alright. But right now? I want to find the best day of my life tonight. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ 03-24-11 Take it as it is. Cheers!

I should tick off some sort of mark on a journal of a sort whenever I become disappointed in the romance department. When there comes a time I start to be a little expectant of better things to come, I can always look at the number of ticks on my journal of sorts and remind myself that nothing works the way I expect it to. Never seems to do so - would it be right to call it "growing pains"? I'm not exactly morose over my disappointed expectations but then again, I'm not exactly jolly about it either. I just feel... tired. Tired of seeing the same thing happen. Tired of finding myself disappointed yet again. Tired of looking back and just seeing disappointment. Tired. I'm just tired. I don't want to be tired again. I want to be jubilant, I want to be ecstatic, flying to heaven. I want to share the love. But I guess I'll just grow tired again. I can't trust my feelings, I know that, but ... just this once, can't someone feel just as hopeful, just...

I hear a name and I cringe. I see the face and I turn away. Every day I grow older, I go closer to my grave. I miss the days where making friends didn't include fakes. But here I am and here I stand, looking to see who's beside me, with me, loyally. So few stay with you for the journey, in all honesty. How many have I called brother, only to find that he was no brother of mine? Is it so wrong for me to ask for loyalty of the truest kind? Is it so wrong to get from you what you get from my oft-naive sincerity? I guess not. I guess I'll travel with unsteady steps until it's over and gone. I'll travel with unsteady steps until it's over and gone. 03-18-11 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ To speak on this subject would only mean hearing confused and jumbled thoughts pouring out of my mouth. I'll settle for this bit to chew on. Cheers!

I find little consolation in your blatant deceptions and ploys to take and break the seeming competition between us.           What should I make of your complete disregard for our friendship?                                        Is this it then? Shall my loyalty be rewarded by the poisonous and disease-riddled conduct that exemplifies                                  your soul? Do you hate me that much? Will you push me and push me until there is no other course to take but    burn this bridge between us? Tell me, honestly: was this so-called                                 comradeship only designed?                  ...

"I can see clearly now, the rain is gone..." Why can't it be this way every day? Like a gulp of fresh air that clears away the cobwebs in my head; just like the way it does when you say sweet words to me. I see it now - what life is for me. I can be what I want to be - just let me see it for myself before the rain comes back again. 03-14-11 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Nothing else to say about this. Enjoy it everyone. Cheers!

Appears to me to be the last week of the school year - afterwards, Auf Wiedersehen! I shall head back to my hometown for some genuine rest and relaxation; a much needed  rest and relaxation. This school year has been one with expansive (and I guess you could say aggressive ) growth on my part. No longer do I sit back and watch the show - I participate as well. And oh the things I have seen with my eyes and heard with my ears. It was glorious... I certainly feel that the experiences I have gone through have tempered my personality in a way that is desirable and far more harmonious with friends and family - and strangers; you can't forget strangers. How many times have I said that I've changed throughout this school year? I feel like I'm boasting over and over that I have changed. Yet, here, on this minuscule corner of the Internet, I cannot properly prove that I have changed. For those who may know me intimately, you are the only witnesses who can attest to my trans...

We can play clever and coy - we can play this round-about game of wordplay and "catch me if you can". You're "the girl", I'm "the boy", playing this game until it cools to an end. There'll come a point where we can't play anymore. We both know, love is no game. We won't stay the same once this story begins. So while we're playing this game, let me know whether you want to stay the same or change with me to make this story begin. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 3-8-11 Don't I just love poems about love and all its varied and outrageous forms? I should consider writing poetry about something else next time. And not about loneliness - that's overdone. Chew on that little ditty eh? Cheers!

Uncertainty. For a word to evoke so much feeling, surely it's a dreadful one - one that can cripple and destroy the weak-willed, even with their best intentions. But no one dares to mention it in their thoughts - to even think  of other possibilities contrary to the original... One would lose his mind. Surely, it's a sign - Man, are you too weak to face uncertainty? Answer me. 03-03-11 ~~~~~~ Simple enough... I'll let you chew on that for awhile. Cheers!

Her smile was, in a word, infectious - there was not a time I didn't follow suit, when she shined a smile in my cloud-tainted life. Her excited voice and slight tilt of her head sent me away like a fair wind at sea with the captain in ecstasy that the world no longer stands still. My name rings new meaning when she says it - as though it's the most beautiful name in all the world, second only to hers. Never has a girl shaken my heart down to its snow-covered core. Now, with a heart quite sore, I wish dearly to know:  how does she feel when I'm not around anymore? Does she think of me when the nights are forbidding and cold? Does she wonder how far my affection for her goes? Or am I just another boy,  a number in the statistics  of boys pining for her attention? With doubt and more questions, I wonder for my affection for her... Is this attraction or hopefully something more? Dear Lord, may it be that it is something so much more. But... in the end, I don't know. Her ...

When does dream become reality and reality become a dream? If I hope to find myself, why do I insist on following you in between                               the nights and days? As though I'm searching in what you say, a way to make me "me".     Will it help me to see     what I need to see? or want  to see?          Just say a word to help me be  confident in the world today. I'll follow you all night and day.                              I'll wake as though from a dream.                       I'll see you and hear you say           "When does dream become reality and reality become a dream?" You ask of me... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 01-20-11 I've yet to make a visua...

I was given a chance to visit a particular High School along with some members of my church. Obviously, the high schoolers were a lively bunch, with about as much fearlessness into the future as any kid their age. This absolute courage to face the future came with aspirations - some wanted to be an artist, a nurse, a pilot and so on. As I watched these kids, I felt a sense of - I guess you can say - kinship with them: I was like them once, looking to the future with bright eyes while enjoying the present. The important things in life were my grades, my friends and family, and who ate my pizza. High school life was easy. The future can be a little scary though... Hopefully these kids will grow up to be wonderful people with strong careers; personally, I'd hope to see nothing less. They deserve a chance to do something worthwhile with their lives and if they keep going in a proper direction, their hard work will pay off. It's something I'm excited to see in the future. I ...

They tell me they've found someone perfect for me. They say she's everything I'd want to                   see in a lady. I laugh and scoff, shrug and joke it off - I've seen it all before. But they say there's more - it's different, they're sure of it this time. Though curious, no breath was held - why place any false hope                            on what they said? It's not like they have anything to show                                 for it. I just know          it'll end in disappointment anyway. I won't hold my breath. Catch me by surprise, or so                          the plan seems to be. In any case, it certainly worked on me. I find myself holding my breath; may...

I've no idea what to write right now. I'm up at three or so in the morning, and I honestly don't know why. I normally don't wake up this early, so why now? I can't really explain what I'm feeling, but it's been a long time since I've felt it. It's not exactly new, but it's not exactly something I'm familiar with. I don't know, I can't really explain myself right now. Too many thoughts running around. I'm sure it's hard enough reading this blog without trying to figure out what I'm saying. I'm ridiculous, I know. Imagine me sitting on a bench, with "Sweet Disposition" by The Temper Trap or "Two Weeks" by Grizzly Bear playing. That's how I feel right now. Sort of. Why's this so hard to explain? I can't write a ditty today. My mind is going off in too many directions to make a concentrated effort on writing one. .... Can three weeks not go by any faster?

Doing something remotely productive actually boosts my mood up significantly. This is good, since the school year has passed by faster due to all my little engagements. Church choir, involvement with making a revamped XU-ICE, and actually doing work as well as finishing on schedule for various classes have kept me from thinking too much about the time. In return, time kindly passed me by - thanks Time! Also, I've actually finished several video games of considerable length this school year. Considering how busy I've been, this is a feat in itself! I believe my time management is getting quite good. Thank God for that then. It makes me wonder how my well-deserved vacation will fare. If it's this good during the school year, surely it'll get better when vacation comes around? Who knows? We'll just have to see I guess. I've nothing else to say. What a damn shame. Cheers!

I feel I'm getting mixed signals in regards to girls and romantic relationships from God as well as other people of great influence in my life. My parents tell me to start looking now , but at the same time, focus on my studies. That gives me nothing - how am I supposed to look around (or date) if I want to put all my focus on studies? Friends suggest I might as well date now, get over the heartbreak and mature as life goes on... but I figure I can do that without really dating, so why bother? God... well, He's done pretty well in making me confused. I've become more sociable, and thus, made more female acquaintances; none of which are too close to me personally. Considering all of the other influences I've already listed, this has put me in quite a quandary. What must be done to rid me of this seemingly trivial situation? I don't think I'll arrive at a satisfying answer any time soon, so I may as well put it aside until something comes up that puts my thoug...

Looks to me to be another Valentine's Day weekend all on my lonesome. It's extraordinary how a majority of individuals are single yet a majority of the holidays that I know of are burning reminders of your singleness. I mean seriously, couples everywhere! Why do you have to do this to us single people, world? Come on, give us some slack. We can't all get someone special to spend the holidays with. Anyways, this Sunday has been spent listening to BBC Radio 1/1xtra. Wonderful music station, give it a listen at their site,  BBC Radio 1 and Radio 1xtra  . Whilst listening to these top-class beats, I've busied myself with schoolwork. Ah, what a diligent student I am. Not to say that the couples spending their weekend loving and cuddling aren't so diligent, quite the contrary. They're totally legit people who have good reason to spend time with their special someone over some paperwork. I mean, seriously, who would want to spend their day doing schoolwork? Certainly...

Some of you may know of the Dubstep movement amongst UK DJs. If you haven't, it's understandable. Though the fact most of you listen to the mainstream so much, I'm surprised if you haven't heard of Dubstep yet. Britney Spears' new work, "Hold It Against Me" has elements of Dubstep. A major contributor to Dubstep is Skream, an amazing artist when mixing these tracks. Typical Dubstep elements are the unusual drum beats, along with bassdrops and a kind of meditative approach to the music. It's something I personally gravitate to. And besides, it gives me reason to krunk (heh). Here's a perfect example: Enjoy it, it's a wonderful piece of work. 'Til next time. Cheers!

The end of the school year is fast approaching. Though I'm excited to end this school year with a bang and a trip to the States, I'm also saddened to see it go. This school year has given me quite a few opportunities to present myself as a useful member and student of its campus. I'm glad to say that my grades have improved since I first entered the college phase. My outlook on life is a bit more down-to-earth as well; I'm not as "touchy" or "sensitive" as I used to be. Believe me when I say it's a good thing. My decision to stick with Sociology has given me a whole new viewpoint of what the world is like. It's certainly a more fun perspective than I initially assumed. Even video games have begun to look a little differently... but that's for another time I guess. I swear I've spoken of my newfound love of Sociology before... it may be that I've forgotten. In other news, 2011 is well underway and so far, I've kept my r...

I've a mind to tell you off - I've got no time to listen to                  you spew abuses and curses on everything and everyone who                                   sicken you to your core.                                       Not that you know you aren't any better. In fact, your inability to see       your decay and disease makes you that much worse. But then again, who are we to judge?                                             Just because you're acting like a fool who has taken one too many bottles of wine,                    doesn't mean...

... I'm also fed up with the common cold." I find it something of a miracle that I'm in Cagayan de Oro after my more than memorable stay in Manila. Every step towards the airport there and every step I've lately been taking around the city has given me more surreal moments than otherwise. In non-poetic terms, I'm getting back into the "student mode" more slowly than others. Or maybe that's how I perceive it to be? In either case, I always feel this sort of surrealism whenever a vacation is done. It's not so much depression, as it is just feeling as though nothing is actually real - what I do, whether I'm walking to school or studying, feels as though someone else is doing it. I'm just watching from the sidelines. I'm slowly getting back into the "zone". Slowly . I'll get back on my feet soon enough so as not to get my life screwed over by my lackadaisical methods. A little ditty for your minds to chew on: The ...

I don't pretend to know. I resent that in fact. Nothing can be further than the truth. I know nothing. Or at least I think so. My mind is running all over the place and I just can't keep up. I don't pretend to know. This writer's block is hurting me in ways that I can't rightly describe at this point in time. I sound ridiculous. I may  be ridiculous. I don't yet know. So... What do you want to know? ~~~~~~~~~~ 01-03-2011 Evidently I have writer's block. Not much else to say. Cheers!

It's the beginning of another year and as it goes, most of us contemplate and reminisce over the past year's events. Most of us. That's beside the point, in any case. Memories run by us like floats that, well, float during a parade. Shown in a particular light that fits our fancy, the memories go on by. More often than not, there aren't enough good ones to fill all twelve months, so we decide to load the last two weeks of December with enough to compensate for the rest. So far, this method has never been known to fail. Or at least, I have occasion to think so. As I look back on my year, I've seen how I've grown in maturity in some aspects of my character and how I've stayed pretty much the same in others. Such as the fact that my tendency to primarily make female acquaintances rather than male ones but no longer feeling as though I need to pursue anything close to romantic feeling for any of them. Sounds harsh, but emotional distancing works in my ...