Because...

Because I could not stop for Death,

He kindly stopped for me;

The carriage held but just ourselves

And Immortality.

We slowly drove, he knew no haste,

And I had put away

My labour, and my leisure too,

For his civility.

We passed the school where children played

At wrestling in a ring;

We passed the fields of gazing grain,

We passed the setting sun.

We paused before a house that seemed

A swelling of the ground;

The roof was scarecely visible,

The cornice but a mound.

Since then 'tis centuries; but each

Feels shorter than the day

I first surmised the horses' heads

Were toward eternity.

Emily Dickinson "Because I could Not Stop for Death..."

I stated in an earlier post that I'd venture into poetry - I never said I'd take another's. But this isn't a poetry post - this is one of those kind-of-essays.

I have just recently been given the news of the passing of my grandmother on my mother's side. It's hard enough to deal with a relative's death, but what makes it harder is the conflict and family politics surrounding it. It was a horrid affair that I wish didn't involve my elderly grandmother, but that is something I could not control. It's these times I look up to the sky and pray a silent prayer, hoping God will get me through.

I never cried when it came to someone's death. I guess it wasn't something I thought was necessary. I gave them their dues though - they deserve that much. But if you were to ask me how I'd feel about a close friend, relative, or family member dying or dead, I'd say this: I wouldn't know how to react 'til it happens. I'm not saying I want it to happen - God forbid my wanting that. I know that we all die someday, but I personally wouldn't want that today.

Contemplative thoughts on Death aren't new to me - I've done that sort of thing since I was a naive boy of thirteen years of age. And now that I'm evidently much older, Death is, along with taxes, something you just have to deal with. Everything else is only for now.

Maybe that's the way I can just cope with what recently happened. Just let go - after all, everything in life is only for now. If I can forgive what has transpired in the family, then maybe I can get over all this. Who knows? Time will heal all sorrows...

I may not be in tears, but the sorrow's there.

Requiescat in pace, Grandmother.