The Idea of Love
Love - it is the one thing in my life that I have many many thoughts about. And I mean many. For now, I'll only deal with three core topics. So let's get started with the simplest: love v. infatuation.
The statement "falling in love" or "love at first sight" is used and used quite often in Society, whether it be American Culture or otherwise. As one can tell, these statements imply that love is an uncontrollable feeling, emotion, or state of mind that takes you off your feet and sends you to the highest depths of the heavens or to the deepest circles of hell. Many of you will take this idea as completely true - there is no possible way you can say you love someone unless you feel this. I say otherwise. One does not "fall in love" with someone; it is not some uncontrollable twist of fate that makes you feel a certain way or act a certain way towards someone. You choose to act and feel this way about someone because it benefits you in some way to gain his or her affection.
But then, what about the other forms of love? Brotherly love, paternal/maternal love, sisterly love, the love you feel for your friends, and so on? Naturally, we choose to love, even if the form is different. "Wait a minute!" you'd say, "we're only dealing with romantic love!" True enough. But even in the realm of romantic love, you choose to love, and do not fall into it, nor do you suddenly feel it when you lay your eyes on someone you barely even know. So what is it then, if it is not love? Simply put, it is infatuation.
We all know the popular symptoms of infatuation that are commonly mistaken for "true love": thoughts are filled with nothing but fantasies and dreams of the object of affection, falling into a state of nervousness and inability to articulate in front of the object of affection, and very extreme mood swings in reaction to the person's actions which you obsessively interpret, hoping there is a sign of requited feelings. If this is love, I do not wish to have it.
So what then, is love? To understand what love is, we shall view love in relation to jealousy.
In terms of logic, the relationship between love and jealousy is privative. Privative is defined as two ideas in which one idea is the absence of the other. To explain more clearly, let us compare love and jealousy to two people who are quite antagonistic towards each other who wish to occupy the same room. However, Love cannot occupy said room if Jealousy is present and, obviously, vice versa. You either choose to love someone or harbor jealousy for someone. You cannot have both.
"But wait!" you'd say, "isn't it natural to harbor feelings of jealousy if you see someone you care about with someone else?" I cannot deny that it is natural - but not in the presence of "true love". Infatuation can occupy the same space with Jealousy, but Love cannot do any such thing. Havelock Ellis states that "Jealousy, [...] slays love under the pretense of keeping it alive". Isn't it so often the case?
Whereas Love leaves enough room for the other party to exercise his or her freedoms, Jealousy occupies the entire space and suffocates the other party. Whereas Jealousy constantly questions the fidelity of the other party, Love trusts and is confident in the fidelity of the other. Jealousy destroys, while Love nurtures. Jealousy is selfish, Love is selfless. Where Love is, Jealousy cannot be.
And now, what of Love and Hate? What is their relation to each other? Again I call upon the terms of logic to label the relationship between these two ideas - Love and Hate are contrary ideas. That is, they are two ideas that occupy opposite ends of the spectrum, pole, or sphere. They do not negate each other, but rather, reflect opposing sides of what appears to be the same coin. They occupy a similar space, but don't necessarily occupy it at exactly the same time.
Love can be passionate as can Hate. A person focuses so much energy on a particular individual in either Love or Hate. In both ways, you show that you care for the person, whether good or ill. "Isn't Hate similar to Jealousy?" you'd say. Indeed they are - and here is where these seemingly contradictory statements reconcile themselves:
Love cannot be perfectly portrayed in the visage of a human being. Love in itself is perfect, but when human beings love, it is imperfect. It is imperfect perfection. Paradoxical as it may seem, we must come to realize that humanity is in itself, a living paradox. We contradict what we do and say every day of our lives. Hypocrisy is a common trait of humanity in our day-to-day lives.
What then, of Love? Should we throw it to the wayside because we cannot express Love in its absolute and most perfect way? I say no. We can still strive to Love as best we can - and that is all we can do, to do as best we can. It is no fault of ours that we cannot love perfectly. But that is a topic for another day.
To conclude, I shall quote First Corinthians Chapter Thirteen, verses Four through Seven and Thirteen. "4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
The statement "falling in love" or "love at first sight" is used and used quite often in Society, whether it be American Culture or otherwise. As one can tell, these statements imply that love is an uncontrollable feeling, emotion, or state of mind that takes you off your feet and sends you to the highest depths of the heavens or to the deepest circles of hell. Many of you will take this idea as completely true - there is no possible way you can say you love someone unless you feel this. I say otherwise. One does not "fall in love" with someone; it is not some uncontrollable twist of fate that makes you feel a certain way or act a certain way towards someone. You choose to act and feel this way about someone because it benefits you in some way to gain his or her affection.
But then, what about the other forms of love? Brotherly love, paternal/maternal love, sisterly love, the love you feel for your friends, and so on? Naturally, we choose to love, even if the form is different. "Wait a minute!" you'd say, "we're only dealing with romantic love!" True enough. But even in the realm of romantic love, you choose to love, and do not fall into it, nor do you suddenly feel it when you lay your eyes on someone you barely even know. So what is it then, if it is not love? Simply put, it is infatuation.
We all know the popular symptoms of infatuation that are commonly mistaken for "true love": thoughts are filled with nothing but fantasies and dreams of the object of affection, falling into a state of nervousness and inability to articulate in front of the object of affection, and very extreme mood swings in reaction to the person's actions which you obsessively interpret, hoping there is a sign of requited feelings. If this is love, I do not wish to have it.
So what then, is love? To understand what love is, we shall view love in relation to jealousy.
In terms of logic, the relationship between love and jealousy is privative. Privative is defined as two ideas in which one idea is the absence of the other. To explain more clearly, let us compare love and jealousy to two people who are quite antagonistic towards each other who wish to occupy the same room. However, Love cannot occupy said room if Jealousy is present and, obviously, vice versa. You either choose to love someone or harbor jealousy for someone. You cannot have both.
"But wait!" you'd say, "isn't it natural to harbor feelings of jealousy if you see someone you care about with someone else?" I cannot deny that it is natural - but not in the presence of "true love". Infatuation can occupy the same space with Jealousy, but Love cannot do any such thing. Havelock Ellis states that "Jealousy, [...] slays love under the pretense of keeping it alive". Isn't it so often the case?
Whereas Love leaves enough room for the other party to exercise his or her freedoms, Jealousy occupies the entire space and suffocates the other party. Whereas Jealousy constantly questions the fidelity of the other party, Love trusts and is confident in the fidelity of the other. Jealousy destroys, while Love nurtures. Jealousy is selfish, Love is selfless. Where Love is, Jealousy cannot be.
And now, what of Love and Hate? What is their relation to each other? Again I call upon the terms of logic to label the relationship between these two ideas - Love and Hate are contrary ideas. That is, they are two ideas that occupy opposite ends of the spectrum, pole, or sphere. They do not negate each other, but rather, reflect opposing sides of what appears to be the same coin. They occupy a similar space, but don't necessarily occupy it at exactly the same time.
Love can be passionate as can Hate. A person focuses so much energy on a particular individual in either Love or Hate. In both ways, you show that you care for the person, whether good or ill. "Isn't Hate similar to Jealousy?" you'd say. Indeed they are - and here is where these seemingly contradictory statements reconcile themselves:
Love cannot be perfectly portrayed in the visage of a human being. Love in itself is perfect, but when human beings love, it is imperfect. It is imperfect perfection. Paradoxical as it may seem, we must come to realize that humanity is in itself, a living paradox. We contradict what we do and say every day of our lives. Hypocrisy is a common trait of humanity in our day-to-day lives.
What then, of Love? Should we throw it to the wayside because we cannot express Love in its absolute and most perfect way? I say no. We can still strive to Love as best we can - and that is all we can do, to do as best we can. It is no fault of ours that we cannot love perfectly. But that is a topic for another day.
To conclude, I shall quote First Corinthians Chapter Thirteen, verses Four through Seven and Thirteen. "4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
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