Large parties are good at alienating individuals.
I'm still not used to the fact that I'm alone and close friends are miles way - and when I say miles, think thousands upon thousands; or at least hundreds - leaving me particularly introspective about my worth in the eyes of the acquaintances and individuals I meet down here where I currently am. Which would be Cagayan de Oro City, Mindanao, Philippines.
Large parties tend to amplify this introspection, as I am usually alone and with no group of friends to make me feel any form of "safe". Even if there are individuals there that I am familiar with, it seems I just don't know them enough to be able to "hang" with them. And thus, the paradox of being alone in a sea of people.
It's a frustrating thing to experience every time one goes to a large party, so I try my best to avoid them as much as possible. That includes nightclubs. To me, they're large parties you pay to go to (every night, if you so choose).
The only thing that alleviates the intense scrutiny of my loneliness is music that is actually tasteful and enjoyable. Which pretty much translates to "I'm leaving this party, I have no reason to be here anymore". And thus, in search of said tasteful music, I leave and venture towards home, where my collection of music awaits me. If an acquaintance makes the effort of trying to keep me from leaving, maybe I'll reconsider. Of course, this almost never happens - for a city that deigns to call itself "The City of Golden Friendship", I don't particularly seem to meet many who are willing to make anything remotely related to what I define as a friend.
Case in point? Large parties are not for me.
Large parties tend to amplify this introspection, as I am usually alone and with no group of friends to make me feel any form of "safe". Even if there are individuals there that I am familiar with, it seems I just don't know them enough to be able to "hang" with them. And thus, the paradox of being alone in a sea of people.
It's a frustrating thing to experience every time one goes to a large party, so I try my best to avoid them as much as possible. That includes nightclubs. To me, they're large parties you pay to go to (every night, if you so choose).
The only thing that alleviates the intense scrutiny of my loneliness is music that is actually tasteful and enjoyable. Which pretty much translates to "I'm leaving this party, I have no reason to be here anymore". And thus, in search of said tasteful music, I leave and venture towards home, where my collection of music awaits me. If an acquaintance makes the effort of trying to keep me from leaving, maybe I'll reconsider. Of course, this almost never happens - for a city that deigns to call itself "The City of Golden Friendship", I don't particularly seem to meet many who are willing to make anything remotely related to what I define as a friend.
Case in point? Large parties are not for me.
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