Thoughts of a Violinist Giraffe

I find myself going between positively content and depressingly contemplative. It's taking a toll on me psychologically. Hopefully, it won't spread to affecting my academic performance. I've only recently felt like this a little over three or so days ago. It's not enough time to see any lasting effects but one can never be too careful. In a previous entry, I had hoped that the workload would not increase. It has. But it's tolerable and not quite yet at the 'overwhelming' stage. I find that to be a relief. Nothing says overworked than a student staying up several nights in a row trying to finish projects and assignments that teachers tend to overload their students with, in an attempt to tackle everything in one sitting. Which gives me reason to call for some practicality. In real life, I'm sure one isn't expected to do more than he or she can handle. Or is that my idealism speaking? Not much else to talk about today, fortunately. Hopefully th...

Hello again, I guess. I won't pretend the past is past. Not over you yet. Not over you yet. I think I'm trying too hard to get your attention Did I ever mention the hours spent that I've forgotten in the wake of the worst break-up of my life? Does nothing go right anymore? Can't stop thinking of you though I've got someone new in my life. Wanna get over you get over you getting over me tonight... I think I'm trying too hard to get your attention Did I ever mention the hours spent that I've forgotten in the wake of the worst break-up of my life? Does nothing go right anymore? Does nothing shine at night like bright stars over our heads that we stare at while in your bed? Wanna get over you get over you getting over me tonight... I think I'm trying too hard to get your attention but now I can say I've spent enough remembering the worst break-up of my life. Something's going right tonight. Something's going...

... or seemingly so. Festival days are over, yet, I've seen fliers about another set of "days" involving a particular person whose name starts with "M". Honestly ladies and gentlemen, do we really need more "off" days in a school year? I'm sure no one's complaining but I honestly think this lax attitude in the institution will handicap the students in the long run. As for now, well... there's nothing much more to be done. Work doesn't register well in my mind. When I start working, I work. Thinking about it brings images and audio, but trying to express it on paper doesn't seem to work the same way. Unless I wanted to write a short story about the time I was working on Adobe Illustrator CS4 for a small project, but then, who would actually want to read something like that? I'd stick with images and audio. I've recently acquired two albums by Motion City Soundtrack. "I Am the Movie" and "Even if it Kills ...

All that I've come to want lies somewhere where I can't see it.            I can't find it yet. People remind me of what I usually say,                       that is, I'll find it someday                                                - her - ugh, I just can't seem to put it in words that'll do my thoughts justice.                                Just this once, can't I speak coherently? God save me. I'm losing focus.                   Will she ever notice me?             Who's she? Goodness sakes, I'll settle with not knowing -                      at ...

I appreciate festivals. They, well, make everything festive. A particular street on any other given day wouldn't merit even a second look - you come and go, you do what you need to. But on festivals, the streets become dance-floors, shops with bright colors, smiling faces, and flooding with memories. How sad that I'm not a part of it all... I walk through and observe, a tourist. It's always the case, whether in Japan, in Chicago, or here in Xavier University. The Xavier Days have been interesting, to say the least. But I have made no significant memories, nothing to make these festival days any different to any other given day in my life. I've passed by acquaintances and exchanged light conversation, but the company of friends I had none. I did  try to put a mark on the festival but my broken cell-phone lucked me out. More on that later. Sounds like the same old story right? I attend some event down here and I'm on my own, always on my own. You must be tired of he...

Barely two weeks have gone into this second semester and already I feel the irony of ordered chaos. Buying of textbooks, verifying bank accounts, figuring out one's schedule... it's really quite taxing. Despite all this, I've found something like peace in the midst of it. It feels good that I have such a thing this early into the semester. I don't know what might happen if I found it too late. I feel I've found my "zone", so to speak. I am exhibiting the very essence of my entire character and personality at this point in time and it feels rather good. Everyone looks at me and thinks I'm lazing away the day and doing nothing particularly important. Of course, I'm doing quite the opposite. I love living out paradoxes. If this semester keeps up at this particularly pace, I'll be glad. If it speeds up, however, I'll find reason to worry. But that can wait another day. A little ditty for your mind to munch on: A star-filled sky during t...

Registration for the second semester has begun. Upon acquiring my grades, I've come to a fool-hardy prediction: this school year will end in "awesomeness". Yes, I just spoke colloquially. No, I don't intend on using that very often inside of this blog. I hope I didn't offend you. For the moment. (I am desperately trying not to use any emoticons while I'm typing this post, but it's rather difficult. I've done well so far...) As you can very well infer from these words, I am feeling rather jovial. How unfortunate that there's no one to share the joy with. Short post today, just wanted to let you know that this school year will end spectacularly. And I mean spectacularly !!!! ~~~~~~~ Read me like a book Read me in the shade don't forget the way the letters form and say "read me like a book" Take a look I'm feeling good Ain't it obvious? Read me like a book. ~~~~~~~ That was an embarrassing piece of prose. Whelp, I'm don...

Entering into Manila after how many months of not being there, I felt a lot of old things resurface: feelings I've had for particular events, particular situations, and particular people. I also realized how much I hate when people touch my things without my permission. If it isn't yours, why are you using it like it is? Please, for both our sakes, stop touching my stuff. Life'll go smoother for the both of us if you do. Moving on: When I walked along the "University Avenue", I remembered the days I'd walk to class from my dorm: carrying my heavy bag, keeping the glaring sun from hitting my eyes, with my thoughts on the future and my heart on a girl. Complicated times... In some restaurants, like Yellow Cab or Teriyaki Boy, I remembered events and hangouts with some of the greatest friends I've ever made in my lifetime - a sort of family, if you will. They kept me strong, just like my real family and my US friends. What made them different was the fa...

Since Halloween is coming up fairly soon, I figured this old little piece would do some good. Hope you all enjoy! DIIIIIiiiiinnnnng DOOooonnng... Jacob's eyes snap open, jerking awake as the bell echoes throughout the room. It is less a room and more a hallway, with seats lining two walls opposite each other. The walls are a typical hospital-white, with clear lighting emanating from the ceiling. A slightly flickering light can be seen at the far end of the "hall". People murmur quietly, trying their best not to break the silence, even though the distorted noise of the bell does it well enough. Some even venture so far as to give a slight giggle. Maybe they were sharing a joke? A wiry man, weary and weather-worn, or so he appeared, clutches a piece of scrap paper as he steps through a door situated under a digital counter. Jacob gives a wary look at the digital counter. It says   65 . The bell rang every time the number changed. Every time, the bell would emit a sou...

Speak to me as though I am ignorant of the names and faces of the people whose blood flows in me significantly. As though your words are sufficient to tell me what, you believe, I am missing out on - on the history of a people that you say has nothing to do with me. Preach to me as though I know no gods - or their sons - who once set foot on this forsaken earth through what appears to me to be a holy birth, for the sake of every murderous, thieving, conniving bastard on this planet. Glare at me as I stand incredulous, shaking my head as I hear the poison spill out of your mouth like a faucet left open and flooding the house. Do all these things to me and act as though I know nothing other than my own ignorance – that you are entitled to enlighten me to a greater understanding… But I know that you know nothing. You tell me to put myself in your shoes. In your shoes! As if that would change the impression that has been stamped onto my mind – of the blind leading the blind. Thank you for ...

I met the cutest girl today; from her height to her smile she makes me say "you're so cute, can I keep you please?" Her voice makes me go crazy, her laughs are like lovely bells - the way she looks at me makes my thoughts stop dead on its trail. Now I'm trying too hard to rhyme; just thinking of her feels like a crime - She's a criminal, she stole my heart - so this is what "love at first sight" is like... my mind is falling apart - she makes me short-circuit; I don't know if I can <...> if I can take it. Did you know I met the cutest girl today... ~ 09-12-10 The poem is self-explanatory. I'm sure some of you have felt like this before... 

             Discourse Attraction can’t be explained. Her hair, her eyes, or lips - or the way her voice skips like a child full of smiles all over. One glance, maybe two and you’ve sealed the deal in your mind. Nothing stops you, nothing tells you to drop it as simple coincidence in                 the presence of life. Light in your eyes only show                           when you know what to do, when you feel you’ve met your soul- mate. Attraction requires nothing more than a look and a thought – just one look and you’ve bought into the idea of idealistic romance. Love – now that is something else.         It’s not so much on the self,           but on the someone else –...

Things are looking better than before but that doesn't mean they're better. Short entry today, can't think at the moment. Today shall be tomorrow which shall soon be yesterday as the days go by. So sly. Goodbye.

As of now, my refurbished HP Pavilion laptop failed me. It has shown me the blue screen of death. This is very bad. The only thing I can hope for is for a new computer. But I'm not rich, so that'll have to wait. Internet cafes it is then. Short entry today. Sorry everyone.

I am finding the search for "the one" to be increasingly tiresome. Sooner or later, I'll be finding myself saying to a random girl in my class, "want to go out for a cup of coffee?" And no, I do not mean that  kind of coffee. You sick, perverted souls. I've become so used to rejection and no reciprocation in the realm of romance that I expect almost nothing from girls anymore. But is it their fault, or does the fault lie with me? Considering how I never seem to do any formal "Want to go out" question to any girl upon whom I become even slightly  interested in, the fault may very well fall upon me. The question is, should I come on strong at the beginning by asking that question? Or should I do what I've always done - observe? Well... I've done the latter and it's given me no results. I think it's time I go for the more blunt approach. If I get rejected, hey, no loss. If my invitation is accepted then good for me. I remember a ve...

The interaction between men and women is a complicated one. A long time ago, when we were once children, boys were "icky" and girls had "cooties". Boys and girls would treat each other as aliens from another planet. But in a good kind of way. Sometimes they'd play together, sometimes they'd stick to their own gender. Other times, they pick on each other. When they got older though, things weren't so simple. The girl you accidentally hit "in the chest" blushes and calls you a pervert while you realize what you've done (thanks Pop Culture!). Girls and boys who see a "couple" start singing "___ and ___ sitting on a tree, K I S S I N G - first comes love, second comes marriage, third comes a baby in a baby carriage! That's not all, that's not all - papa's out drinking alcohol!" I still don't understand how we knew about alcohol at such a young age - oh right, Pop Culture. By the time we are in the 5th Gra...

Seeing how I'm nearing that age where I am officially considered an adult in the eyes of Society, I figured I might write out my thoughts on my current  age: that mysterious age of being Twenty. When I turned Twenty years of age about eleven months or so ago, I found that I was still not viewed as an adult, but seen no longer as a child or teenager. Then again, most people thought I acted far above my usual age when I was in my very late 'teens. Others have contradicted this by stating that I have acted years below my actual age. I willingly believe that both accounts are true - human beings are paradoxical creatures after all. As the months went by, I found myself growing in ways I didn't realize right away, but in retrospect, was clear as day. I found myself more calm, more willing to let go of things that are out of my control. I found myself even more capable of sociability and breaking away even more from my shell. I probably won't get rid of my tendency to let...

... that nothing in life seems to go strictly in one direction. Or so we seem to think. Human beings always seem to do the same things, make the same mistakes, over and over again, just to get some sort of familiarity  to stay in their lives. In one way or another, we strive to fight against change, no matter how little we seem to fight against it. I find this to be very true, in lieu of my re-listening of old punk or alternative rock bands. I used to listen to rock a lot - and I really do mean a lot  - in High School. Ever since I entered college, I've branched out and listened to all sorts of music, even going so far as to listen to classical music again - which means I've gone straight back to childhood, since I was classically trained musically - as well as venturing into genres that piqued my creative interest. So I now have a fair amount of "material" I can use as reference if ever I plan on making an album. But that's a topic for another time. I've ...

I have recently been listening to Michael Gregory's 'Just A Little While', a song that he plays in his video "Mullet Baby Sings!!" on YouTube. It's a wonderfully whimsical and romantic song about being afraid to act on your feelings and trying to "solve" your romantic altercations by observation and timing. I highly suggest you check it out. I'm quite sure the video I just mentioned is above. Who's Michael Gregory? Good question. Michael Gregory is one of four members of the Gregory Brothers of AUTO-TUNE THE NEWS fame. You can say Michael hosts and often plays around with the channel that harbors most of their YouTube hits. The channel in question is "SchmoYOho, accent on the Yo!" If you've seen the Bed Intruder Song or the Double Rainbow Song or  any of the ATTN hits, then you will recognize who Mike Gregory is. Why he's not on any sort of contract or label is beyond me. For now, I'm going to continue singing thi...

I'm still not used to the fact that I'm alone and close friends are miles way - and when I say miles, think thousands upon thousands; or at least hundreds - leaving me particularly introspective about my worth in the eyes of the acquaintances and individuals I meet down here where I currently am. Which would be Cagayan de Oro City, Mindanao, Philippines. Large parties tend to amplify this introspection, as I am usually alone and with no group of friends to make me feel any form of "safe". Even if there are individuals there that I am familiar with, it seems I just don't know them enough  to be able to "hang" with them. And thus, the paradox of being alone in a sea of people. It's a frustrating thing to experience every time one goes to a large party, so I try my best to avoid them as much as possible. That includes nightclubs. To me, they're large parties you pay to go to (every night, if you so choose). The only thing that alleviates the i...

I have a soul - this I know I know no sole reason to think I alone can amount to the role that I see as a goal. I sit down and sigh - so delightfully sly: the goal of my life that may just pass me by I have a soul - I must grow must glow in the soles of the shoes I alone believe I can fill - so I'll laugh - fly - soar. I look up to the sky the stars are so shy symbolic of dreams that I see in my eyes So I'll fly And I'll soar I'll open the door This dream is a dream No more It's reality with a soul It's my  sole reality And I won't let go I won't let go 8-17-10 Written just now on a whim. More often than not I tend to write pieces on these mere whims. How blessed are the creatively inclined. But of course, it can be a curse as most artists may understand: artists are the perfect example of being incredibly overachieving without seeming to look like they're doing anything significant in front of the general public. An...

Our days are gone and nights are long   The dead know nothing beyond the throng   Of measured breaths and dizzy debts   Amongst the living who still live strong   In name we strive for peace and life   In name only, for all are lies   Even the honest have lost their hearts   To the Death that looms before our eyes   But even so we must realize:   In unmeasured depths and unnamed skies,   we find what life therein lies... 10-13-09 This poem was written while I was very heavily influenced by the writing style of H.P. Lovecraft a little less than a year ago. The Lovecraft-esque style is evident especially in the last two lines - and it is because  of these last two lines that the poem is called "Unnamed". Also, for those who have played a bit of Bioshock, this may bring to mind the atmosphere of the game. Of course, this is my opinion; I highly doubt you may agree. And I'm quite ok with that! So there you have it - my fi...

Love - it is the one thing in my life that I have many many thoughts about. And I mean many . For now, I'll only deal with three core topics. So let's get started with the simplest: love v. infatuation. The statement "falling in love" or "love at first sight" is used and used quite often in Society, whether it be American Culture or otherwise. As one can tell, these statements imply that love is an uncontrollable feeling, emotion, or state of mind that takes you off your feet and sends you to the highest depths of the heavens or to the deepest circles of hell. Many of you will take this idea as completely true - there is no possible way you can say you love someone unless you feel this. I say otherwise. One does not "fall in love" with someone; it is not some uncontrollable twist of fate that makes you feel a certain way or act a certain way towards someone. You choose to act and feel this way about someone because it benefits you in some way to ...

As we grow older, we make friends, lose friends, make enemies or rivals, and generally live our lives the best we can. Losing a friend occurs to me far too often - either we drift apart and go our separate ways, or an issue has popped up that one or both wasn't aware of and couldn't resolve. As of now, I find myself watching a dear friend - naive though he is - burning down years of friendship over an issue that, frankly, most of my friends and I were quite unaware of. It's frustrating to see it happen, no matter how many times I've seen it happen before. One would think that as the years go by, you grow more mature, you learn to handle your relationships with your friends and acquaintances with greater care than the year before... but sometimes that just isn't the case. Every once in awhile, you'll meet someone who doesn't seem willing to go out of his/her comfort zone and see the other side of the story. If a person can't do that, many relationsh...

Because I could not stop for Death, He kindly stopped for me; The carriage held but just ourselves And Immortality. We slowly drove, he knew no haste, And I had put away My labour, and my leisure too, For his civility. We passed the school where children played At wrestling in a ring; We passed the fields of gazing grain, We passed the setting sun. We paused before a house that seemed A swelling of the ground; The roof was scarecely visible, The cornice but a mound. Since then 'tis centuries; but each Feels shorter than the day I first surmised the horses' heads Were toward eternity. Emily Dickinson "Because I could Not Stop for Death..." I stated in an earlier post that I'd venture into poetry - I never said I'd take another's. But this isn't a poetry post - this is one of those kind-of-essays. I have just recently been given the news of the passing of my grandmother on my mother's side. It's hard enough to deal with a relative's dea...