Thoughts of a Violinist Giraffe

Help me. Please, just help me. I can't sleep. I can't breathe. All I see in my mind is you and all I can do is hope to God that I haven't yet ruined what we have with the stupid words I've helped myself to this time around. Tell me we'll be fine - not with words, goodness no. I want to see it in your eyes, in the way you hold my hand, or how you lay your head on my shoulders. But it seems I'm just going to ruin it again this time. I'm not ok. What I'm doing to myself isn't fun for me. Maybe I should cuff my hands, keep myself away from you and hope that things will resolve itself. But that never really works, does it? Maybe I shouldn't have let myself believe that I'm loving you this way. I need a miracle right now - I want to stop ruining what seems to have been working out so well. Can't anyone tell me how to mend this relationship that's fraying at the seams? Maybe I just need some time alone. I need...

It seems the only time I'm here is when I'm elated in love or when I'm heavily heartbroken. That, or extremely frustrated in the realms of romance. Today, I feel like it's a bit of heartbreak and frustration. I've just recently gotten into a rather nice relationship - it's fresh, new, and will most likely be an unforgettable experience as I look back on it. But as of now, I'm starting to feel like I'm purposely sabotaging my own relationship. Every evening I end up saying something I really shouldn't, and we part ways with our heads looking down and our eyebrows furrowed. Communication is scarce. But somehow there's something that reminds us of what's there and we keep going. And yet again I seem to ruin it with my words. What am I doing to this relationship? Is there something going on in my head that's making me seemingly wreck the relationship almost on purpose? Why do I insist on saying the most insensitive things, without consid...