No words

-
I have no words
for feeling like
I've been abandoned
for the fifth or sixth or seventh time already.
I can't stand thinking about it,
conflicted on whether I should
head the opposite way
from where I - I, not we - have progressed
or keep going, pretending I haven't realized
already that you care more
for him.
Even if I could pretend I haven't seen or
even noticed it, my eagerness will die out
without my even trying.
All I feel is dying and I can't stop it
from eventually laying there on cold, hard stone.
Tears are fought against,
but like Napoleon at Waterloo,
I lose to the feeling that
I've never been the one preferred
for the eight or ninth or tenth time already.
I am sick and tired
of feeling as though nothing I am
is worth the light of day.
I feel stupid and insane
for ever thinking even
the least bit of effort
could change things.
Not even my words
feel the same.
I have no words.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An old poem from way back in 2014. It's been floating in my drafts for some time and I figured I'd send it out. It is what it is.

Cheers!

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