I am, I want, I am

I am prone to saying things.
I run off my mouth when upset or
even when moderately agitated
by simple little problems.

I am foolishly paranoid
of the most ridiculous
of troubles, always thinking
that somehow the worst that
could ever happen,
does indeed happen.
And it never really does.

I want excessively for
things to go my way, or
even just the comfort knowing
that she's there by my side.
All she has to do is
         say a word or two
      my way - it's not like
I can see her every day,
so far as things have been anyway.

I am sick, literally sick -
throat itchy and phlegm
clogging all possible airways,
forcing me to sneeze and cough
to some semblance of health.
In the midst of illness,
I let my mouth run away from me.
As it runs, it lights the bridges
and proceeds to burn them down.

I am a shameful, sorrowful existence
of a human being, not even able
to grasp onto the fact
that God has a handle on
the circumstances at hand.
I wish I was better,
but this is the best I am,
so far as things go.
I'm struggling my way
out of this "I am,
I want,
I am"
and on to "He is,
He wills,
He always will be".
One step at a time,
I'll come to hang on
and know that
He's all that I need.