Running Out of Steam

-
I'm not gonna end this
the way you think I'll end this.
I'm not gonna end this
by looking over the horizon
as the sun sets,
my back turned from you
as you walk away
to an unsure future without me.
I'm not gonna end it
like actors after the final act,
bowing out to the crowd
as the curtain falls.
I'm not gonna end it
with your dying wish having me
take away the dragging moments
of pain that remind you
you'll have to fight for your last breath
before you die.
I'm not ending it that way.

I'm ending this as quietly
and as unobtrusively as possible.
You won't even notice
the held-back tears
as I write out every reason
why my fears finally won out.

I'm ending this quietly,
with nothing but the scratch
of my pen on paper,
blotched by coffee drops
and salt water.
I'm not even anywhere
near the sea,
but I may as well be.
I'm ending this,
because I can't stand
to fall apart so often
in an hour, just as much
as someone else does
in a month,
every day of these past
four months.

I'm buying a ticket out
so I can finally free myself
from the insipid insanity
that has dragged me
down long enough.
I'm ending this,
because I can't bear
to be without you anymore.
I'm standing at your door.
Please open up.
We don't have to settle
for chat messages
and video calls
this time around.
I'm right here.

Let's begin again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I bet you didn't see that coming.

Cheers!

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