My Robin Scherbatsky
I guess there's always that one girl whom you think is "the one" but really isn't. To think that ten-plus years of lingering affection and failure on my end of the situation would have taught me something by now. But then again, I'm speaking while staring at the end of a metaphorical end of a beer glass (which would amount to endless tracks of Backstreet Boys while feeling excessively sorry for myself). It's a rather depressing picture, now that I think about it.
To be fair, it's not like looking for "the one" is my one and only dream or aspiration in life. How horrifying would it be if I had just that one "dream" to hold on to, only to have it shattered over and over as time goes by? No, I have other dreams. Somehow, though, it all seems so irrelevant when under the right circumstances and feelings of inadequacy. When you're in that sort of moment, everything just seems out of place and wrong.
It's an addiction, falling back on this feeling of affection that had lasted the better part of ten or so years. It's a comfortable feeling to know I've held on for something that I know is not really there, that wasn't really there in the first place. The fact that it wasn't really there being a fault of my own just makes it that much more... likely to keep me in the loop. Like, at any moment, I could suddenly fix it and everything will work out. But I know that can't be true. It's a fantasy that only I keep in my heart. Of course, I'm revealing it here, so it's not much of a secret. But there you have it.
At some point I have to have the confidence to step out and grab at the opportunity that's presenting itself to me. Why I can't seem to just go for it is beyond me. I'm taking steps towards it, but it never seems to be enough. I can't find "the one" if I'm not willing to take the steps necessary. Sometimes making a so-called mistake is all that it takes, right? Maybe...
Maybe all it takes is a little courage to do what needs to be done. I dunno. Maybe. All these maybes hurt my brain, ugh.
I guess all I know for now is that I'm looking for a resemblance of what I've known before. Sounds harsh, even selfish, but it's the truth, sadly.
But once I'm past the hurdle, maybe things will change.
Maybe.
To be fair, it's not like looking for "the one" is my one and only dream or aspiration in life. How horrifying would it be if I had just that one "dream" to hold on to, only to have it shattered over and over as time goes by? No, I have other dreams. Somehow, though, it all seems so irrelevant when under the right circumstances and feelings of inadequacy. When you're in that sort of moment, everything just seems out of place and wrong.
It's an addiction, falling back on this feeling of affection that had lasted the better part of ten or so years. It's a comfortable feeling to know I've held on for something that I know is not really there, that wasn't really there in the first place. The fact that it wasn't really there being a fault of my own just makes it that much more... likely to keep me in the loop. Like, at any moment, I could suddenly fix it and everything will work out. But I know that can't be true. It's a fantasy that only I keep in my heart. Of course, I'm revealing it here, so it's not much of a secret. But there you have it.
At some point I have to have the confidence to step out and grab at the opportunity that's presenting itself to me. Why I can't seem to just go for it is beyond me. I'm taking steps towards it, but it never seems to be enough. I can't find "the one" if I'm not willing to take the steps necessary. Sometimes making a so-called mistake is all that it takes, right? Maybe...
Maybe all it takes is a little courage to do what needs to be done. I dunno. Maybe. All these maybes hurt my brain, ugh.
I guess all I know for now is that I'm looking for a resemblance of what I've known before. Sounds harsh, even selfish, but it's the truth, sadly.
But once I'm past the hurdle, maybe things will change.
Maybe.
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