Thoughts of a Violinist Giraffe

It is only now  that I find myself relaxed and in my comfort zone. Only now . And I think that's a good thing, since I finally dealt with all the other things that needed doing before. It feels good, it really does. I don't think I'd have it any other way. Really. I'm not sure I can go too much into detail with what I've gone through inside and outside of myself, but I can simply say that I've gone through enough to prove my maturity. Of course I'm not bragging, why would you insinuate that? In any case, I'm finally feeling good and that's all that matters at the moment. Thank God. ~~~~ Who said it has to take months, years, decades to realize I've grown out of immaturity and disgrace? It only takes a moment, a second, a thought in the right place to prove to all I can still stand tall in maturity. ~~~ Cheers!

I want to find the best day of my life, like a knife that finds the vein that ends the game. I'm not insane any more than you are to find my way around my life - always in sight; I want to take flight. I want to fight for that best day of my life. Make it my right and blessing as I keep living and learning to take the reigns on the ever-changing show of lights and shadows, joy and sorrow - today and tomorrow are alright. But right now? I want to find the best day of my life tonight. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ 03-24-11 Take it as it is. Cheers!

I should tick off some sort of mark on a journal of a sort whenever I become disappointed in the romance department. When there comes a time I start to be a little expectant of better things to come, I can always look at the number of ticks on my journal of sorts and remind myself that nothing works the way I expect it to. Never seems to do so - would it be right to call it "growing pains"? I'm not exactly morose over my disappointed expectations but then again, I'm not exactly jolly about it either. I just feel... tired. Tired of seeing the same thing happen. Tired of finding myself disappointed yet again. Tired of looking back and just seeing disappointment. Tired. I'm just tired. I don't want to be tired again. I want to be jubilant, I want to be ecstatic, flying to heaven. I want to share the love. But I guess I'll just grow tired again. I can't trust my feelings, I know that, but ... just this once, can't someone feel just as hopeful, just...

I hear a name and I cringe. I see the face and I turn away. Every day I grow older, I go closer to my grave. I miss the days where making friends didn't include fakes. But here I am and here I stand, looking to see who's beside me, with me, loyally. So few stay with you for the journey, in all honesty. How many have I called brother, only to find that he was no brother of mine? Is it so wrong for me to ask for loyalty of the truest kind? Is it so wrong to get from you what you get from my oft-naive sincerity? I guess not. I guess I'll travel with unsteady steps until it's over and gone. I'll travel with unsteady steps until it's over and gone. 03-18-11 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ To speak on this subject would only mean hearing confused and jumbled thoughts pouring out of my mouth. I'll settle for this bit to chew on. Cheers!

I find little consolation in your blatant deceptions and ploys to take and break the seeming competition between us.           What should I make of your complete disregard for our friendship?                                        Is this it then? Shall my loyalty be rewarded by the poisonous and disease-riddled conduct that exemplifies                                  your soul? Do you hate me that much? Will you push me and push me until there is no other course to take but    burn this bridge between us? Tell me, honestly: was this so-called                                 comradeship only designed?                  ...

"I can see clearly now, the rain is gone..." Why can't it be this way every day? Like a gulp of fresh air that clears away the cobwebs in my head; just like the way it does when you say sweet words to me. I see it now - what life is for me. I can be what I want to be - just let me see it for myself before the rain comes back again. 03-14-11 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Nothing else to say about this. Enjoy it everyone. Cheers!

Appears to me to be the last week of the school year - afterwards, Auf Wiedersehen! I shall head back to my hometown for some genuine rest and relaxation; a much needed  rest and relaxation. This school year has been one with expansive (and I guess you could say aggressive ) growth on my part. No longer do I sit back and watch the show - I participate as well. And oh the things I have seen with my eyes and heard with my ears. It was glorious... I certainly feel that the experiences I have gone through have tempered my personality in a way that is desirable and far more harmonious with friends and family - and strangers; you can't forget strangers. How many times have I said that I've changed throughout this school year? I feel like I'm boasting over and over that I have changed. Yet, here, on this minuscule corner of the Internet, I cannot properly prove that I have changed. For those who may know me intimately, you are the only witnesses who can attest to my trans...

We can play clever and coy - we can play this round-about game of wordplay and "catch me if you can". You're "the girl", I'm "the boy", playing this game until it cools to an end. There'll come a point where we can't play anymore. We both know, love is no game. We won't stay the same once this story begins. So while we're playing this game, let me know whether you want to stay the same or change with me to make this story begin. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 3-8-11 Don't I just love poems about love and all its varied and outrageous forms? I should consider writing poetry about something else next time. And not about loneliness - that's overdone. Chew on that little ditty eh? Cheers!

Uncertainty. For a word to evoke so much feeling, surely it's a dreadful one - one that can cripple and destroy the weak-willed, even with their best intentions. But no one dares to mention it in their thoughts - to even think  of other possibilities contrary to the original... One would lose his mind. Surely, it's a sign - Man, are you too weak to face uncertainty? Answer me. 03-03-11 ~~~~~~ Simple enough... I'll let you chew on that for awhile. Cheers!

Her smile was, in a word, infectious - there was not a time I didn't follow suit, when she shined a smile in my cloud-tainted life. Her excited voice and slight tilt of her head sent me away like a fair wind at sea with the captain in ecstasy that the world no longer stands still. My name rings new meaning when she says it - as though it's the most beautiful name in all the world, second only to hers. Never has a girl shaken my heart down to its snow-covered core. Now, with a heart quite sore, I wish dearly to know:  how does she feel when I'm not around anymore? Does she think of me when the nights are forbidding and cold? Does she wonder how far my affection for her goes? Or am I just another boy,  a number in the statistics  of boys pining for her attention? With doubt and more questions, I wonder for my affection for her... Is this attraction or hopefully something more? Dear Lord, may it be that it is something so much more. But... in the end, I don't know. Her ...