Thoughts of a Violinist Giraffe

White noise fills my mind like a glass that a drunken man insists on filling again and again - just when I get clarity, I'm bogged down by the intensity of the circumstances that surround me every minute - every second - every moment of my unstable life. All I hear is white. ~~~~~~~~ Not too confusing I hope. Cheers!

I'm in love with a girl - I haven't met her yet. I don't even know her name. I don't know what she's like. I know nothing about her. But I'm in love just the same. I guess you call this hope, or something close to it - why else would I feel like this? I feel restless, as though I just might see her anytime now. But then again, I haven't yet. That's ok though, right? To be in love with someone I haven't met yet? Love's filling me 'til it overflows - how long 'til it shows? How long 'til I get to know who she is, where, and when? I can't wait to see who it is I'm in love with. I can't wait for her to be with me. ~~~~~~~ Hope does a lot to you I guess. Cheers!

You're speaking but nothing's heard                                   on my end of the line. I try harder and I hear                            "I think it'll work out fine if we just pretend things haven't gone                                      wrong this time." But you can't change what's now defined by our actions. There's nothing more to be done       We've gone past reconciliation this time. You make your decision - I already made mine. ~~~~~~~~~ I guess there's more to this topic than I thought. Eh, you can't have everything. By the way... have you filed your  income tax lately? Cheers!

It is only now  that I find myself relaxed and in my comfort zone. Only now . And I think that's a good thing, since I finally dealt with all the other things that needed doing before. It feels good, it really does. I don't think I'd have it any other way. Really. I'm not sure I can go too much into detail with what I've gone through inside and outside of myself, but I can simply say that I've gone through enough to prove my maturity. Of course I'm not bragging, why would you insinuate that? In any case, I'm finally feeling good and that's all that matters at the moment. Thank God. ~~~~ Who said it has to take months, years, decades to realize I've grown out of immaturity and disgrace? It only takes a moment, a second, a thought in the right place to prove to all I can still stand tall in maturity. ~~~ Cheers!

I want to find the best day of my life, like a knife that finds the vein that ends the game. I'm not insane any more than you are to find my way around my life - always in sight; I want to take flight. I want to fight for that best day of my life. Make it my right and blessing as I keep living and learning to take the reigns on the ever-changing show of lights and shadows, joy and sorrow - today and tomorrow are alright. But right now? I want to find the best day of my life tonight. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ 03-24-11 Take it as it is. Cheers!

I should tick off some sort of mark on a journal of a sort whenever I become disappointed in the romance department. When there comes a time I start to be a little expectant of better things to come, I can always look at the number of ticks on my journal of sorts and remind myself that nothing works the way I expect it to. Never seems to do so - would it be right to call it "growing pains"? I'm not exactly morose over my disappointed expectations but then again, I'm not exactly jolly about it either. I just feel... tired. Tired of seeing the same thing happen. Tired of finding myself disappointed yet again. Tired of looking back and just seeing disappointment. Tired. I'm just tired. I don't want to be tired again. I want to be jubilant, I want to be ecstatic, flying to heaven. I want to share the love. But I guess I'll just grow tired again. I can't trust my feelings, I know that, but ... just this once, can't someone feel just as hopeful, just...

I hear a name and I cringe. I see the face and I turn away. Every day I grow older, I go closer to my grave. I miss the days where making friends didn't include fakes. But here I am and here I stand, looking to see who's beside me, with me, loyally. So few stay with you for the journey, in all honesty. How many have I called brother, only to find that he was no brother of mine? Is it so wrong for me to ask for loyalty of the truest kind? Is it so wrong to get from you what you get from my oft-naive sincerity? I guess not. I guess I'll travel with unsteady steps until it's over and gone. I'll travel with unsteady steps until it's over and gone. 03-18-11 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ To speak on this subject would only mean hearing confused and jumbled thoughts pouring out of my mouth. I'll settle for this bit to chew on. Cheers!